Me- in reading books

I don’t really read books these days. I read plenty of blogs and manga series though, but I never just sit down and read something in my free time not unless it's a recipe or a cook book. 
Sometimes I’m filled with guilt about it, surely I should be reading more, enriching my life and whatnot.

I remember, I think I failed a job interview because I said, "I don't really read books and I would rather browse the internet and check fore recipes online."
I know it's a minus points but I was just trying to be honest and I don't want to pretend like, "I'm a book worm and I've read this and that" but then couldn't even name one famous book author, right? That's not cool!

 I like this book! It's big and ang daming photos! - 'Yun lang talaga ang gusto kong sabihin! Haha! and yes, I'm a visual learner! Haha!

#ExcuseMyHair #ReadersDigest

Rain, Dreams and Bulalo

It's been raining non-stop. I'm on a 3-day off so I'm lucky that I don't have to struggle (at least, for now) getting to the office and deal with the flood. Oh you know how Makati City turns out to be a water world every time it rains, it sucks- big time.

So, since I was just at home last weekend, it turned out to be an eat-sleep-sleep-eat kind of a weekend.
I'm a happy kid! I had more than  eight hours of sleep!  but weird, each time I wake up I still feel that I need to sleep more!

What's worst about it is that I should be feeling okay, to have an eight hour sleep or so, is something that I would beg to have, but when I finally had it, it didn't feel so great.
It's probably because of the dream that I had.
I dreamed of my baby boy Astaro- I don't know why. It's been a long time, really, really long time.
I haven't heard anything about him since the last time I saw him. I wish I could say I remember all the details of my dreams but what I remember is just me- hugging him tight, he was giggling like he was excited to see me.
I even heard him laugh  and I was crying and smiling at the same time.
For some reason, it felt so real. The dream felt so real. Too bad that it had to end so soon but what I remember is enough.

I wonder every so often what it would be like if he's still with me and had met his brother LJ and his cousins Macoi and Aki. Would they get along? Would they like each other? Would they fight like my sister and I were doing when we were little kids?

 Sigh. I woke up feeling heavy and irritated. There are some things, a lot of things actually that I wish I can change but I just can't, hindi bale, they say you can't just  have it all at once.
I smiled to Will- the only person who had been dealing with my kind of mood and attitude lately- he deserves an award for doing it good. I haven't had a chance to thank him yet so I decided  to cook  something for him that I know he would totally love.

Bulalo ang bagoong isda

I know everything has changed and dreams are just dreams, not real. 
Whatever that means, I'm still glad that I had the chance to meet him, even not for real.

I don't know!

It has been a while! and I can't even believe that I'd be able to have some time alone and update this blog and tell you people what had been going on.

I don't know. I don't where to start.

All I know is that-  I work five days a week, sometimes six and still trying to balance life, work and love. Not necessarily in that order but yes, I want to convince my self that I can do it.

My sister flew out to Canada last, uhm I can't even remember but I remember I went to the airport so I can see her before she go.

It was sad. I was sad. I don't know.

Since then, I had to look after her kids and visit them every now and then to see how they are doing.
Macoi just turned five, Aki, the little one is about two. I don't know if they feel how I feel but I'm missing my big sister more and more each time I'm with them, there are times that I would just hug them out of the blue and tell them not to worry because I'm here.
Since then, I have become their mother.
I have watched them grow and learn how to speak, walk, sing, write, read and draw.
All things that my sister could have seen only if she was here.

Sometimes I feel a little weird. Here I am trying to be a mom of my sister's kids when in fact, I can't even be a mom of my own kids. sigh.

I don't know.

I heard the father of her kids is going to where my sister is at right now. She asked him to come over, sweet.
I don't know their plans but she asked me to come too. I said I'll think about it. I don't know. yet.

Work is doing fine, I'm starting to do something different, meeting new people and attending some trainings and classes and trying to reach a goal and have a better life. I'm already twenty nine, at this point in my life I know I should have been a better person. A stable and successful person.
Maybe I've done so many mistakes before. Maybe I've made wrong decisions.

I don't know.

All I know is that I'm trying to make it up.

It's funny that earlier I thought I'm starting to feel more mature. As I review and look back on this blog, I noticed that, I used to post a lot about make up, messy love life, hatred and what not.

And I don't wanna do the same thing anymore.

I think it's fine to let the people know how you really feel sometimes but I don't think it's fine to tell stories that would  make them feel like, they are reading an online diary of a lost sixteen- year old girl and how she blows her own life.

I have been there.

and I'm not going to be the that kind of person anymore.

I don't know. Hahaha..

Next time, I'll upload photos of the places that I've been to and people hat I've been with while I was out and neglecting this blog of mine!

Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I know, I know.. It's too late for a New Year post specially for Christmas post but uhm, I've been busy and now is my only chance and I am grabbing this chance to post everything that happened before 2012 ended.

I spent Christmas & New Years eve at work (as usual), it was sad but we had free meals that time so it took away all the drama in me. hahaha.
I had drunk callers ( I work as a customer service representative in a travel account) calling to rebook because they missed their flights and callers that was just calling because they simply wanted someone to talk to because they ain't got no one around. sigh. I once told a customer that I cant even remember when was the last time I spend good Christmas with my whole family and I miss the feeling of getting excited over December, to let him know that He's not alone and just to start a conversation, He answered " Well, I guess Christmas is just for kids."  and He continued to talk about how He hates Christmas and spending it alone and all that and it got me bored. Makes me wanna say that are you wasting $$$$ in an international call just to let the people know that you hate Christmas? Okay. blah. blah. blah. Sometimes, it's kinda tiring-- to hear the same, lonely and full of self pity stories. I hear you Sir, thank you for calling. HAHAHA What a drag.

It was a long Christmas/New Year night and it has been like this for quite sometime now and I didn't mind, I'm starting to get used to it, at all.

The next day, we had a small early morning Christmas party with office mates at Music21 along Jupiter Ave., Makati. looove the Nachos there!

Colorful ceiling, Nachos! Iced cold beer!, Gifts and lots of gifts!

Too early for a cold beer and for videoke  they say, but I guess nothing is too early when the only time to celebrate the occasion is right after work. I had fun and I like all the gifts that I received, it was all colorful and base-on-personality-gift! My sister gave me a cute Anna Sui coin purse  with small flowers embed., my supervisor gave me a neon orange headset organizer, someone gave me a huge nice and colorful wall clock , a coffee mug  with my name on it, key chains and lots of them! hahaha I also bought my self a gift- a Kenneth Cole watch, from my Christmas bonus!  lol simple little things that made my day, for sure!

Heheh Where's me??

and right after that, I headed to my relatives to see them, I was with my sister and her family, She took picture of me while I was sleeping and they are celebrating--

Merry Christmas and a Happy New year! zzzzzzz...

I am starting to like and appreciate the lights and colors of the said season, I used to hate bright Christmas lights and tall Christmas trees, seeing those makes me-- missing my family more and more. but for some reason, not until last year, it suddenly made me smile and giggle.. and I honestly don't know why.

 

 

Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! HAHAHAH.