I don't know!

It has been a while! and I can't even believe that I'd be able to have some time alone and update this blog and tell you people what had been going on.

I don't know. I don't where to start.

All I know is that-  I work five days a week, sometimes six and still trying to balance life, work and love. Not necessarily in that order but yes, I want to convince my self that I can do it.

My sister flew out to Canada last, uhm I can't even remember but I remember I went to the airport so I can see her before she go.

It was sad. I was sad. I don't know.

Since then, I had to look after her kids and visit them every now and then to see how they are doing.
Macoi just turned five, Aki, the little one is about two. I don't know if they feel how I feel but I'm missing my big sister more and more each time I'm with them, there are times that I would just hug them out of the blue and tell them not to worry because I'm here.
Since then, I have become their mother.
I have watched them grow and learn how to speak, walk, sing, write, read and draw.
All things that my sister could have seen only if she was here.

Sometimes I feel a little weird. Here I am trying to be a mom of my sister's kids when in fact, I can't even be a mom of my own kids. sigh.

I don't know.

I heard the father of her kids is going to where my sister is at right now. She asked him to come over, sweet.
I don't know their plans but she asked me to come too. I said I'll think about it. I don't know. yet.

Work is doing fine, I'm starting to do something different, meeting new people and attending some trainings and classes and trying to reach a goal and have a better life. I'm already twenty nine, at this point in my life I know I should have been a better person. A stable and successful person.
Maybe I've done so many mistakes before. Maybe I've made wrong decisions.

I don't know.

All I know is that I'm trying to make it up.

It's funny that earlier I thought I'm starting to feel more mature. As I review and look back on this blog, I noticed that, I used to post a lot about make up, messy love life, hatred and what not.

And I don't wanna do the same thing anymore.

I think it's fine to let the people know how you really feel sometimes but I don't think it's fine to tell stories that would  make them feel like, they are reading an online diary of a lost sixteen- year old girl and how she blows her own life.

I have been there.

and I'm not going to be the that kind of person anymore.

I don't know. Hahaha..

Next time, I'll upload photos of the places that I've been to and people hat I've been with while I was out and neglecting this blog of mine!